Loosing Control
by Beth Warlow
Summary: Elena is infected by the Ripper virus, but it's the only thing that makes he want to keep it under control is wanting to be with Damon ...


_**"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." Lao Tzu**_

I woke up after passing endless weeks locked in a terrible darkness watching all my world was falling apart. "Hi!" I almost sighing. Viewing Damon relieved smile, though:

"Are you...you?" Ask me to be sure I was I.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's me. I'm here." I say barely getting over the strange experience of being and not being. I look at Stefan, who is also here, then go back to see Damon, when I try to sit down something annoyed me in the side. I put my hand in to my coat and find a nearly empty syringe.

"Daughter of a bitch!" Damon exclaims with an angry face.

"What is it?" Stefan and I asked in unison.

"Nothing, nothing Elena" Damon says trying to calm me down "there is nothing to be afraid of…"

"There is nothing to be afraid of" I think with the slight feeling that something bad happens. Her voice tells me, I know him too well.

I sit, hug Damon, he begins to stroke my hair.

"I love you" he whispers in my ear, then he run away from there. I do not understand at all what is happening. Maybe he thinks I haven't forgiven him for running away from me, or that I hate him about jeopardizing Jeremy. Why he cannot understand that I love him... and I'm sure he loves me...

Suddenly I start to smell Stefan's blood, I get anxious, unbridled desire to bite him and feed. I cannot control me, I eject my fangs and threatened to bite him. Fortunately Bonnie comes in a truly worried voice says "Katherine injected you with the ripper virus..."

I grab my head with my hands and cry, no, it cannot be, this cannot be happening, this is why Damon fled away from me. I remember Jesse, biting Damon, with a ferocity, a craving, and I saw it, I saw that Jesse was not going to stop until he killed Damon. I could not help it, I would not let that happen, so I kill Jesse. And now I was like him, I had to get away from Damon, Stefan, and Caroline. I had to run away. Surrounded by humans would not be too dangerous I thought. I look at Bonnie. "I'm leaving! Tell everyone I say good bye and not let Caroline go into the dorm.

I get in to my dorm, I lay down in bed and mourn, I couldn't stand it, and this nostalgia came over me. My head was filled with memories from the first time I met Damon when he had told me everything I wanted in life was the same as everyone "You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, an adventure, and even a little danger" and that's exactly what he gave me, and more, although his love consumed me, gave me passion, adventure; also made me feel safe, loved and protected. The time before I giving me my vervain necklace back he had confessed he loved me, but Stefan deserved me and he being the "bad guy" didn't deserve me. When Tyler bit him, and he said he couldn't die with me hating him. I had nostalgia for all those times that he protected, even at the expense of his life, and although sometimes I wouldn't want to be saved... But he had fled away from me...

I take bottle of bourbon, and inevitably I remembered again. According to Damon bourbon soothed nerves and help you to forget, I laughed to myself a little, now it not only meet that end to me, I was getting restless, more anxious... I needed to feed. But whose? I closed my eyes trying to calm down when I realized I had left the room, walking through the campus, away...

I do not know how I end up in a bar surrounded by humans, trying to control myself but before than I thought I was dancing on the bar at a crazy pace... I laughed. Had not eaten, I felt anxious, desperate... I lost control... when I realized I had grabbed a guy and I was using compulsion to make him drink my blood... What was I planning to do? Simple, snap his neck, and turn him. I had a glass of human blood in my hand and he had a wound on his wrist that was healing... I was about to snap his neck when a voice brought me back to reality "Elena Stop, do not do that" it was Caroline. I fled as fast as I could. I didn't want to hurt her...

I grab my phone to call Damon, when he answer "What's happening to me, Damon?" I ask desperatetely...

"I know, it sucks, you'll be craving "carbs" constantly" he said from the other side of the line. "What does that mean, what would you know about this feeling?" I replied.

"Because I got the same!" he desperately cry from the other side of the line "I'm chaining in the basement of the mansion. They give me a glass of Stefan's blood every 8 hours. You need to calm down, they will find a cure, if there is any…"

"How exactly do we cure this?" I ask desperately...

Caroline was arriving to the dorm, I hung up the phone without thinking. I threatened her with my fangs... Bonnie came from behind her... "Elena! Stop. This is the virus. It's in your head. Katherine wanted to destroy you and it's working! You have to fight it! Think cold" think cold, I sigh that was exactly the opposite of what I could do. Caroline snapped my neck again...

I woke up, I was trapped in the bedroom... "Liv, did a protection spell" Bonnie said approaching me a glass "Caroline blood, drink" she said.

I drank it, I felt calmer, and "Take me to Demons home, I want to see him" I said ... she nodded and we went toward the car…

We arrived to the mansion, I ran down stairs, I saw Damon chained, I take the key to release him.

"Flee!" He screams, I stand there, he kneeling "You will get over this, you will learn to control it... I don't" he said.

I hugged him "I'm not leaving, not going anywhere" his eyes looked at me and told me not to be so stubborn to flee...

Bonnie and Jeremy grabbed me by my arm, I couldn't move, I was shattered... We left out and I realized I didn't want to leave leaving Damon alone, I need to tell him, I love him and I will never leave him, only by his side I will have the courage to get through this... I went back inside, there he was with a glass of bourbon in his hand... he turns to look at me and he take another glass from the bar, he offers it to me as a way to relieve stress... but I just want to bare my soul to him. "I love you!" I shout.

"Then stop loving me!" he demands, trying keep me away from his fangs, containing the urge to bite me as the Ripper he is... However, I do not like that option. "I can't!" I confess, and he is unable to resist the temptation to rub my lips by kissing me. I kissed him passionately as I think; you're a fool, perhaps you don't realize that only in your arms I feel safe. Only in your arms I feel at home... and just if we are together we will find the courage to overcome this... "I love you" I said in a whisper.

And I love you, too" he says " I'll never stop doing it... even this love ends killing us both" he finish smiling...

**_"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." Lao Tzu_**


End file.
